You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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