My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
