No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
