I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
