Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
