did you get engaged???
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
