You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just pee around me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
