If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
