South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my sisters under your porch take her home
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
