Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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