I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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