then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
