note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
