woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
