the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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