do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
