My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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