Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
