You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
