I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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