I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
