I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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