is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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