member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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