but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
