Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
