i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
