Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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