You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
