Say something about gay babies.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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