Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He did a backflip because drugs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
