Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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