my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
