hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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