You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
