omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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