He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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