he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
