You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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