I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
