I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
