let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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