at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
