everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
