i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it because I queefed?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
