um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
