Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
