I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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