I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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