Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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