clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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