im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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