i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
