porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
