So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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