Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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