she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize