he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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