I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
