I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize