Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
even my farts smell like vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
