It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
