dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
