There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
